Pierre went on with his diary, and this is what he wrote in it during that time:
24th November
Got up at eight, read the Scriptures, then went to my duties. [By Joseph Alexeevich's advice Pierre had entered the service of the state and served on one of the committees.] Returned home for dinner and dined alone- the countess had many visitors I do not like. I ate and drank moderately and after dinner copied out some passages for the Brothers. In the evening I went down to the countess and told a funny story about B., and only remembered that I ought not to have done so when everybody laughed loudly at it.
I am going to bed with a happy and tranquil mind. Great God, help me to walk in Thy paths, (1) to conquer anger by calmness and deliberation, (2) to vanquish lust by self-restraint and repulsion, (3) to withdraw from worldliness, but not avoid (a) the service of the state, (b) family duties, (c) relations with my friends, and the management of my affairs.
27th November
I got up late. On waking I lay long in bed yielding to sloth. O God, help and strengthen me that I may walk in Thy ways! Read the Scriptures, but without proper feeling. Brother Urusov came and we talked about worldly vanities. He told me of the Emperor's new projects. I began to criticize them, but remembered my rules and my benefactor's words- that a true Freemason should be a zealous worker for the state when his aid is required and a quiet onlooker when not called on to assist. My tongue is my enemy. Brothers G. V. and O. visited me and we had a preliminary talk about the reception of a new Brother. They laid on me the duty of Rhetor. I feel myself weak and unworthy. Then our talk turned to the interpretation of the seven pillars and steps of the Temple, the seven sciences, the seven virtues, the seven vices, and the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. Brother O. was very eloquent. In the evening the admission took place. The new decoration of the Premises contributed much to the magnificence of the spectacle. It was Boris Drubetskoy who was admitted. I nominated him and was the Rhetor. A strange feeling agitated me all the time I was alone with him in the dark chamber. I caught myself harboring a feeling of hatred toward him which I vainly tried to overcome. That is why I should really like to save him from evil and lead him into the path of truth, but evil thoughts of him did not leave me. It seemed to me that his object in entering the Brotherhood was merely to be intimate and in favor with members of our lodge. Apart from the fact that he had asked me several times whether N. and S. were members of our lodge (a question to which I could not reply) and that according to my observation he is incapable of feeling respect for our holy order and is too preoccupied and satisfied with the outer man to desire spiritual improvement, I had no cause to doubt him, but he seemed to me insincere, and all the time I stood alone with him in the dark temple it seemed to me that he was smiling contemptuously at my words, and I wished really to stab his bare breast with the sword I held to it. I could not be eloquent, nor could I frankly mention my doubts to the Brothers and to the Grand Master. Great Architect of Nature, help me to find the true path out of the labyrinth of lies!
After this, three pages were left blank in the diary, and then the following was written:
I have had a long and instructive talk alone with Brother V., who advised me to hold fast by brother A. Though I am unworthy, much was revealed to me. Adonai is the name of the creator of the world. Elohim is the name of the ruler of all. The third name is the name unutterable which means the All. Talks with Brother V. strengthen, refresh, and support me in the path of virtue. In his presence doubt has no place. The distinction between the poor teachings of mundane science and our sacred all-embracing teaching is clear to me. Human sciences dissect everything to comprehend it, and kill everything to examine it. In the holy science of our order all is one, all is known in its entirety and life. The Trinity- the three elements of matter- are sulphur, mercury, and salt. Sulphur is of an oily and fiery nature; in combination with salt by its fiery nature it arouses a desire in the latter by means of which it attracts mercury, seizes it, holds it, and in combination produces other bodies. Mercury is a fluid, volatile, spiritual essence. Christ, the Holy Spirit, Him!...
3rd December
Awoke late, read the Scriptures but was apathetic. Afterwards went and paced up and down the large hall. I wished to meditate, but instead my imagination pictured an occurrence of four years ago, when Dolokhov, meeting me in Moscow after our duel, said he hoped I was enjoying perfect peace of mind in spite of my wife's absence. At the time I gave him no answer. Now I recalled every detail of that meeting and in my mind gave him the most malevolent and bitter replies. I recollected myself and drove away that thought only when I found myself glowing with anger, but I did not sufficiently repent. Afterwards Boris Drubetskoy came and began relating various adventures. His coming vexed me from the first, and I said something disagreeable to him. He replied. I flared up and said much that was unpleasant and even rude to him. He became silent, and I recollected myself only when it was too late. My God, I cannot get on with him at all. The cause of this is my egotism. I set myself above him and so become much worse than he, for he is lenient to my rudeness while I on the contrary nourish contempt for him. O God, grant that in his presence I may rather see my own vileness, and behave so that he too may benefit. After dinner I fell asleep and as I was drowsing off I clearly heard a voice saying in my left ear, "Thy day!"
I dreamed that I was walking in the dark and was suddenly surrounded by dogs, but I went on undismayed. Suddenly a smallish dog seized my left thigh with its teeth and would not let go. I began to throttle it with my hands. Scarcely had I torn it off before another, a bigger one, began biting me. I lifted it up, but the higher I lifted it the bigger and heavier it grew. And suddenly Brother A. came and, taking my arm, led me to a building to enter which we had to pass along a narrow plank. I stepped on it, but it bent and gave way and I began to clamber up a fence which I could scarcely reach with my hands. After much effort I dragged myself up, so that my leg hung down on one side and my body on the other. I looked round and saw Brother A. standing on the fence and pointing me to a broad avenue and garden, and in the garden was a large and beautiful building. I woke up. O Lord, great Architect of Nature, help me to tear from myself these dogs- my passions especially the last, which unites in itself the strength of all the former ones, and aid me to enter that temple of virtue to a vision of which I attained in my dream.
7th December
I dreamed that Joseph Alexeevich was sitting in my house, and that I was very glad and wished to entertain him. It seemed as if I chattered incessantly with other people and suddenly remembered that this could not please him, and I wished to come close to him and embrace him. But as soon as I drew near I saw that his face had changed and grown young, and he was quietly telling me something about the teaching of our order, but so softly that I could not hear it. Then it seemed that we all left the room and something strange happened. We were sitting or lying on the floor. He was telling me something, and I wished to show him my sensibility, and not listening to what he was saying I began picturing to myself the condition of my inner man and the grace of God sanctifying me. And tears came into my eyes, and I was glad he noticed this. But be looked at me with vexation and jumped up, breaking off his remarks. I felt abashed and asked whether what he had been saying did not concern me; but he did not reply, gave me a kind look, and then we suddenly found ourselves in my bedroom where there is a double bed. He lay down on the edge of it and I burned with longing to caress him and lie down too. And he said, "Tell me frankly what is your chief temptation? Do you know it? I think you know it already." Abashed by this question, I replied that sloth was my chief temptation. He shook his head incredulously; and even more abashed, I said that though I was living with my wife as he advised, I was not living with her as her husband. To this he replied that one should not deprive a wife of one's embraces and gave me to understand that that was my duty. But I replied that I should be ashamed to do it, and suddenly everything vanished. And I awoke and found in my mind the text from the Gospel: "The life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not." Joseph Alexeevich's face had looked young and bright. That day I received a letter from my benefactor in which he wrote about "conjugal duties."
9th December
I had a dream from which I awoke with a throbbing heart. I saw that I was in Moscow in my house, in the big sitting room, and Joseph Alexeevich came in from the drawing room. I seemed to know at once that the process of regeneration had already taken place in him, and I rushed to meet him. I embraced him and kissed his hands, and he said, "Hast thou noticed that my face is different?" I looked at him, still holding him in my arms, and saw that his face was young, but that he had no hair on his head and his features were quite changed. And I said, "I should have known you had I met you by chance," and I thought to myself, "Am I telling the truth?" And suddenly I saw him lying like a dead body; then he gradually recovered and went with me into my study carrying a large book of sheets of drawing paper; I said, "I drew that," and he answered by bowing his head. I opened the book, and on all the pages there were excellent drawings. And in my dream I knew that these drawings represented the love adventures of the soul with its beloved. And on its pages I saw a beautiful representation of a maiden in transparent garments and with a transparent body, flying up to the clouds. And I seemed to know that this maiden was nothing else than a representation of the Song of Songs. And looking at those drawings I dreamed I felt that I was doing wrong, but could not tear myself away from them. Lord, help me! My God, if Thy forsaking me is Thy doing, Thy will be done; but if I am myself the cause, teach me what I should do! I shall perish of my debauchery if Thou utterly desertest me!
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Book One: 1805 - Chapter XVIII
Book One: 1805 - Chapter XXIII
Book One: 1805 - Chapter XXVII
Book One: 1805 - Chapter XXVIII
Book Two: 1805 - Chapter XVIII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter III
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter VII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter VIII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XIII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XIV
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XVI
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XVII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XVIII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XIX
Book Four: 1806 - Chapter VIII
Book Four: 1806 - Chapter XIII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter I
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter II
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter III
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter IV
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter V
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter VI
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter VII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter VIII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter IX
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter X
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XI
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XIII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XIV
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XV
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XVI
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XVII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XVIII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XIX
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XX
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XXI
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XXII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter II
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter III
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter IV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter VI
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter VII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter VIII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter IX
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XI
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XIII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XIV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XVI
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XVII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XVIII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XIX
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XX
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXI
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXIII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXIV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXVI
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter I
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter II
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter III
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter IV
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter V
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter VI
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter VII
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter VIII
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter IX
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter X
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter XI
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter XII
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter XIII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter I
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter II
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter III
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter IV
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter V
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter VI
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter VII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter VIII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter IX
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter X
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XI
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XIII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XIV
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XV
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XVI
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XVII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XVIII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XIX
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XX
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XXI
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XXII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XVII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XXII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XXIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXVII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXVIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXIV
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXVI
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXVII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXVIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXIX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter II
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter III
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter IV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter VI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter VII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter IX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XIV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XVI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XVII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XIX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXIV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXVI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXVII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXVIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXIX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXXI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXXII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXXIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXXIV
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter II
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter III
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter IV
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter VI
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter VII
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter IX
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XI
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XII
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XIV
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XV
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XVI
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter I
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter II
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter III
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter IV
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter V
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter VI
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter VII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter IX
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter X
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XI
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XIV
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XV
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XVI
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XVII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XIX
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter I
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter II
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter III
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter IV
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter V
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter VI
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter VII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter IX
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter X
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XI
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XIV
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XV
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XVI
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XVII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XIX
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter I
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter II
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter III
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter IV
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter V
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter VI
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter VII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter VIII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter IX
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter X
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XI
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XIII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XIV
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XV
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XVI
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XVII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XVIII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XIX
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XX
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter I
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter II
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter III
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter IV
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter V
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VI
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VII
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VIII
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter IX
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter X
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XI
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XII
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XIII
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XIV
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XV
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XVI
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter I
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter II
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter III
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter IV
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter V
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VI
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VII
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VIII
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter IX
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter X