Natasha was calmer but no happier. She not merely avoided all external forms of pleasure- balls, promenades, concerts, and theaters- but she never laughed without a sound of tears in her laughter. She could not sing. As soon as she began to laugh, or tried to sing by herself, tears choked her: tears of remorse, tears at the recollection of those pure times which could never return, tears of vexation that she should so uselessly have ruined her young life which might have been so happy. Laughter and singing in particular seemed to her like a blasphemy, in face of her sorrow. Without any need of self-restraint, no wish to coquet ever entered her head. She said and felt at that time that no man was more to her than Nastasya Ivanovna, the buffoon. Something stood sentinel within her and forbade her every joy. Besides, she had lost all the old interests of her carefree girlish life that had been so full of hope. The previous autumn, the hunting, "Uncle," and the Christmas holidays spent with Nicholas at Otradnoe were what she recalled oftenest and most painfully. What would she not have given to bring back even a single day of that time! But it was gone forever. Her presentiment at the time had not deceived her- that that state of freedom and readiness for any enjoyment would not return again. Yet it was necessary to live on.
It comforted her to reflect that she was not better as she had formerly imagined, but worse, much worse, than anybody else in the world. But this was not enough. She knew that, and asked herself, "What next?" But there was nothing to come. There was no joy in life, yet life was passing. Natasha apparently tried not to be a burden or a hindrance to anyone, but wanted nothing for herself. She kept away from everyone in the house and felt at ease only with her brother Petya. She liked to be with him better than with the others, and when alone with him she sometimes laughed. She hardly ever left the house and of those who came to see them was glad to see only one person, Pierre. It would have been impossible to treat her with more delicacy, greater care, and at the same time more seriously than did Count Bezukhov. Natasha unconsciously felt this delicacy and so found great pleasure in his society. But she was not even grateful to him for it; nothing good on Pierre's part seemed to her to be an effort, it seemed so natural for him to be kind to everyone that there was no merit in his kindness. Sometimes Natasha noticed embarrassment and awkwardness on his part in her presence, especially when he wanted to do something to please her, or feared that something they spoke of would awaken memories distressing to her. She noticed this and attributed it to his general kindness and shyness, which she imagined must be the same toward everyone as it was to her. After those involuntary words- that if he were free he would have asked on his knees for her hand and her love- uttered at a moment when she was so strongly agitated, Pierre never spoke to Natasha of his feelings; and it seemed plain to her that those words, which had then so comforted her, were spoken as all sorts of meaningless words are spoken to comfort a crying child. It was not because Pierre was a married man, but because Natasha felt very strongly with him that moral barrier the absence of which she had experienced with Kuragin that it never entered her head that the relations between him and herself could lead to love on her part, still less on his, or even to the kind of tender, self-conscious, romantic friendship between a man and a woman of which she had known several instances.
Before the end of the fast of St. Peter, Agrafena Ivanovna Belova, a country neighbor of the Rostovs, came to Moscow to pay her devotions at the shrines of the Moscow saints. She suggested that Natasha should fast and prepare for Holy Communion, and Natasha gladly welcomed the idea. Despite the doctor's orders that she should not go out early in the morning, Natasha insisted on fasting and preparing for the sacrament, not as they generally prepared for it in the Rostov family by attending three services in their own house, but as Agrafena Ivanovna did, by going to church every day for a week and not once missing Vespers, Matins, or Mass.
The countess was pleased with Natasha's zeal; after the poor results of the medical treatment, in the depths of her heart she hoped that prayer might help her daughter more than medicines and, though not without fear and concealing it from the doctor, she agreed to Natasha's wish and entrusted her to Belova. Agrafena Ivanovna used to come to wake Natasha at three in the morning, but generally found her already awake. She was afraid of being late for Matins. Hastily washing, and meekly putting on her shabbiest dress and an old mantilla, Natasha, shivering in the fresh air, went out into the deserted streets lit by the clear light of dawn. By Agrafena Ivanovna's advice Natasha prepared herself not in their own parish, but at a church where, according to the devout Agrafena Ivanovna, the priest was a man of very severe and lofty life. There were never many people in the church; Natasha always stood beside Belova in the customary place before an icon of the Blessed Virgin, let into the screen before the choir on the left side, and a feeling, new to her, of humility before something great and incomprehensible, seized her when at that unusual morning hour, gazing at the dark face of the Virgin illuminated by the candles burning before it and by the morning light falling from the window, she listened to the words of the service which she tried to follow with understanding. When she understood them her personal feeling became interwoven in the prayers with shades of its own. When she did not understand, it was sweeter still to think that the wish to understand everything is pride, that it is impossible to understand all, that it is only necessary to believe and to commit oneself to God, whom she felt guiding her soul at those moments. She crossed herself, bowed low, and when she did not understand, in horror at her own vileness, simply asked God to forgive her everything, everything, to have mercy upon her. The prayers to which she surrendered herself most of all were those of repentance. On her way home at an early hour when she met no one but bricklayers going to work or men sweeping the street, and everybody within the houses was still asleep, Natasha experienced a feeling new to her, a sense of the possibility of correcting her faults, the possibility of a new, clean life, and of happiness.
During the whole week she spent in this way, that feeling grew every day. And the happiness of taking communion, or "communing" as Agrafena Ivanovna, joyously playing with the word, called it, seemed to Natasha so great that she felt she should never live till that blessed Sunday.
But the happy day came, and on that memorable Sunday, when, dressed in white muslin, she returned home after communion, for the first time for many months she felt calm and not oppressed by the thought of the life that lay before her.
The doctor who came to see her that day ordered her to continue the powders he had prescribed a fortnight previously.
"She must certainly go on taking them morning and evening," said he, evidently sincerely satisfied with his success. "Only, please be particular about it.
"Be quite easy," he continued playfully, as he adroitly took the gold coin in his palm. "She will soon be singing and frolicking about. The last medicine has done her a very great deal of good. She has freshened up very much."
The countess, with a cheerful expression on her face, looked down at her nails and spat a little for luck as she returned to the drawing room.
philoenglish菲利英语是一款在线英语学习工具, 范围包括在线查词, 在线背单词, 英语听力, 阅读等多个维度. 产品支持移动端, PC端, 以及智能电视, 无需安装, 真正做到随时随地想学即学.
Book One: 1805 - Chapter XVIII
Book One: 1805 - Chapter XXIII
Book One: 1805 - Chapter XXVII
Book One: 1805 - Chapter XXVIII
Book Two: 1805 - Chapter XVIII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter III
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter VII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter VIII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XIII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XIV
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XVI
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XVII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XVIII
Book Three: 1805 - Chapter XIX
Book Four: 1806 - Chapter VIII
Book Four: 1806 - Chapter XIII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter I
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter II
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter III
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter IV
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter V
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter VI
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter VII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter VIII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter IX
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter X
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XI
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XIII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XIV
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XV
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XVI
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XVII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XVIII
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XIX
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XX
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XXI
Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XXII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter II
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter III
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter IV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter VI
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter VII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter VIII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter IX
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XI
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XIII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XIV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XVI
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XVII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XVIII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XIX
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XX
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXI
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXIII
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXIV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXV
Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXVI
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter I
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter II
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter III
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter IV
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter V
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter VI
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter VII
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter VIII
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter IX
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter X
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter XI
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter XII
Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter XIII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter I
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter II
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter III
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter IV
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter V
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter VI
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter VII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter VIII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter IX
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter X
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XI
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XIII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XIV
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XV
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XVI
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XVII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XVIII
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XIX
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XX
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XXI
Book Eight: 1811-12 - Chapter XXII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XVII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XXII
Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XXIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXVII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXVIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXIV
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXVI
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXVII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXVIII
Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter XXXIX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter II
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter III
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter IV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter VI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter VII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter IX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XIV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XVI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XVII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XIX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXIV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXV
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXVI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXVII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXVIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXIX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXX
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXXI
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXXII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXXIII
Book Eleven: 1812 - Chapter XXXIV
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter II
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter III
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter IV
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter VI
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter VII
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter IX
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XI
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XII
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XIV
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XV
Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter XVI
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter I
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter II
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter III
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter IV
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter V
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter VI
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter VII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter IX
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter X
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XI
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XIV
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XV
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XVI
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XVII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Thirteen: 1812 - Chapter XIX
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter I
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter II
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter III
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter IV
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter V
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter VI
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter VII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter VIII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter IX
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter X
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XI
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XIII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XIV
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XV
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XVI
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XVII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XVIII
Book Fourteen: 1812 - Chapter XIX
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter I
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter II
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter III
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter IV
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter V
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter VI
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter VII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter VIII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter IX
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter X
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XI
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XIII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XIV
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XV
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XVI
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XVII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XVIII
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XIX
Book Fifteen: 1812-13 - Chapter XX
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter I
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter II
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter III
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter IV
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter V
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VI
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VII
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VIII
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter IX
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter X
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XI
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XII
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XIII
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XIV
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XV
First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter XVI
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter I
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter II
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter III
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter IV
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter V
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VI
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VII
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter VIII
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter IX
Second Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter X